Many people are familiar with birth doulas, those lovely souls who assist pregnant women to better understand what to expect when they are expecting, who accompany them through the birth of their child and sometimes beyond, who discuss any issue and respond to any question, and who coach future and new dads along the expedition, too.  But few are familiar with death doulas who guide us when we are expecting to expire.

Death doulas help people prepare for the end of earthly life and particularly assists those who bear terminal illness.  There are many affairs to get in order before we depart; the sooner and more completely we address them, the better.  When I was newly ordained thirty-seven years ago, I was asked to supply the chancery with directives for my time of death.  I was in my twenties, at the peak of health, and thought it an odd first request.  But I now know that it is wise to begin with the end in mind.  Among the plans that priests or anyone ought to have on file are medical directives, financial statements, and intentions for a funeral service.

Financial checklists are most common to us.  They involve naming a primary and secondary beneficiary, making a will, naming your power of attorney and executor of your will, considering a living trust, evaluating life insurance, listing a “transfer on death” name to all assets, and reviewing other ownership items.  Similarly, with health concerns, each of us would do well to discuss our concerns or fears of death and dying and clearly communicate our end-of-life care preferences.  This starts with creating a living will, also known as an advanced health care directive, which can be done in minutes by going online and downloading an advanced health care directives form.  It is important to choose one person to make medical decisions on your behalf before you reach a state of incapacity (today, if you have not already done so); it is equally important that, in advance, you communicate that choice to all family members and other close friends.  It should be one person—naming a couple or “the children” is not wise—and though you love all your children, some are better at certain things than others.

A death doula can talk you through issues that some families don’t like to discuss but are extremely helpful, e.g., preferences regarding hospice and other forms of care for when actively dying, various medical definitions of death and extraordinary means of keeping one alive, what others who passed on before us have communicated about what they saw or felt when dying…  Death doulas tend to be spiritual people who are also willing to talk with patients about what might lie beyond this world for us.  They discuss aspects of one’s religious beliefs so that the patient is embraced by sacramental aspects that reflect their faith, or simply offer prayers, poetry, music, and an environment that brings comfort.  They work with medical personnel and can translate terms, phrases, procedures, and processes so that patients better understand what to expect.  If the person wishes, the doula can discuss their important relationships and sometimes help them reconcile troubling or unfinished interactions with a family member or old friend.  Like a life coach, a death doula will encourage a person to live their experience in ways that are meaningful and connect it to one’s self-actualization.

Death doulas help us embrace this singular reality which no mortal can escape.  Saint Francis of Assisi in his Canticle of Creation greeted death like a dear friend or sister and reiterated our Christian belief that the purpose of earthly life is to prepare for eternal life.  Encouraged to move toward our time of death as if it is a time of birth, we hold great hope for what lies ahead.  Though it is an uncomfortable topic for some, I hope this article helps you to think about how you want to leave this world, what and who are most important to you, how you can prepare for death in this existence, and how you might greet birth into life everlasting.