Many people today struggle in casual conversations with neighbors, friends, and family members when polarizing issues surface to threaten, discomfort, or offend them. It is a challenge for many of us to proceed in dialogue when differing viewpoints cause emotional upheaval or relational rift. Saint Ignatius of Loyola, sixteenth century Spanish founder of the Society of Jesus, offers guidance that, I think even today, can help us interact more openly, honestly, and lovingly with one another.
His means of discussing, sometimes called spiritual conversation, goes back to a time when he was recovering from battle wounds that rendered him physically inactive yet vigorously pensive. He discovered that one-to-one informal exchanges about God, faith, prayer, or how we acknowledge various mysteries of life or creation were edifying to others; he also found that such interactions are good for the soul as they peel back outer layers of thought that reveal healthy desires connected to our existential purpose and destiny. He realized that both parties want to know God (or understand unseen mysteries) better; and we are curious what God (or that great mystery) might think of contemporary situations and how He (or it) might direct us.
People who seek a better life and more wholesome surroundings tend to also seek a mindful presence of God’s will for us and our world (“healthy” and “holy” come from the same root word). These people desire truth, meaning, and immortality; they value beauty, compassion, solidarity, and being part of a greater purpose. Each person, on some level, is one of these people. The challenge in discourse, then, is to tap into the facet of the other person that connects to this greater good and higher goal.
Ignatius and the Jesuits have always believed that it is crucial to respect other people, to value their cultures, customs, ways of thinking and being; they teach us to repress our innate temptation to react or try to correct others according to our own tradition or mindset. He instructed his followers to be slow to speak, and to listen—not only to the other but to the Other (the voice of God) that we also welcome into discussions. When we do this, we act as disciples. By listening well, we learn to adapt or enculturate our own understanding to others and ultimately to God; we don’t necessarily abide by another’s perspectives, but we develop a kinship that unites us to each other and to the Lord.
Disciples can be distinguished from idealogues. The former, from a state of interior peace, regard other souls as brothers and sisters and invite conversation and dialogue with them, while the latter view others as opponents or enemies and are determined to convince or correct them of errors. Disciples listen to direct others to God’s ways through love; but idealogues prefer contention over conversation and dispute over dialogue or discussion.
The Ignatian style is foreign to the ways many of us enter conversation. Obviously, it takes patience to engage with people who are not well-meaning or who exist in polarizing bunkers or who simply do not have much experience with open, honest, and loving discourse. Yet if we intentionally connect through basic respect and genuine interest in people, we can all rise to higher perspectives. Ignatius said that we need to give every conversation the time it takes to arrive at a better terminus. Sometimes, unfortunately, it takes years or even decades. If we have the grace of perseverance, we can be God’s emissaries for unity through healthy and holy conversation which is rooted in human dignity and works toward the common good of all.